Being vulnerable is hard.
Today I started thinking about vulnerability. I find that this is something I struggle with, but specifically in one category. My divorce and the emotional trauma that came from infidelity has caused a bit of a strain on myself as a woman. The sexual emotional side of me tends to struggle as my mind can go round and round in deep thought, even when not needed. There is the side of feeling not sexy, not worthy, not enough. On good days when I am being logical and can process appropriately, I realize how ridiculous I am being and I know that no one is making me feel this way nor do I view myself as inferior.
If you talk to me on the bad days (aka- hormone highs, lack of my love language (words of affirmation) shared, exhausted, etc.), I hide myself from my husband even when stepping out of the shower or getting into bed. I think about how I should initiate contact more, does my husband compare me to his past, am I attractive enough, does he want more. The list goes on and on… (hence, therapy!) Again, in my sane days and even as I type this I know this is not ok, but I would be lying to say that is not where my brain leads me at times. I am very aware and share these feelings with my husband and I think it will be something I work on/struggle with indefinitely.
Lack of vulnerability is what causes false perception. So many people in the spotlight world or in social media do not portray what is real, what is hard or their imperfection. I believe this is because of fear of vulnerability; fear of how others could potentially judge if flaws are shown. This then leads us to the string of mental health issues that arise from viewing an altered state as reality. I have a pre teen daughter that I am constantly reminding how everything she sees on the internet is not real. Between filters, fake smiles and now A.I. you will never know if what you are viewing is real life, sadly.
Being vulnerable is so hard, but also so authentic. I’m still in process, but am realizing if our world was more vulnerable we would have less comparison, less depression, less sense of fear and confidence. Being relatable in the bad times helps to bring a sense of meaning so more people can help each other out. Let’s continue to talk about the bad talk, about the hard, about the stickiness of life because more people are stuck in the mud than you think. Keep loving even though you have been hurt. Keep running even if your time is slower than someone else. Stop cleaning your house for a friend to stop in and say hi. Tell the story about how your kid is not perfect. Talk about how your husband and you are in a roommate phase. Walk out of the shower confidently in front of your husband (will try and practice what I preach).
Talk about the REAL. It may save someone’s day, or life.